Going Downhill
by ICannotEraseMySins
Summary: 'They say your life goes by your eyes on your very last moments…and Kai could finally remember it, after all these years, when he, as a person, started going downhill.' A headcanon fanfiction about how, and why, Kai Shimada has turned into what he is. May have some disturbing content, such as abuse, bullying and possible depression.
1. Introduction

It hurt. It hurt really bad. Kai could feel his guts hanging out of his stomach as he stepped forward to try and reach his classmates, they hurt like acid when he touched them and tried to put them back, however, and he knew that if he removed the knife, he'd be done for.

Why was he even bothering to go there, anyways? There was no way his classmates would help him after what he did…there's no way she would help him.

But…I guess he just didn't want to die alone…huh?

Dying alone, throw away like garbage to root without a single person who's there to tell him he'll be missed…such fate was the worst kind.

And sadly, that was the truth for that wicked soul.

He could hear the voices of his classmates in the distance, but his knees were shaking, he could feel his blood running cold and his vision start to darken. He was lightheaded. Couldn't think. Couldn't make out how far they were but he had to keep going. He had to reach them. Even if they wouldn't accept him.

But why? Why wouldn't they accept him? That's right…he was an asshole. He was a cunt to them since the very first day…

…

…'since the very first day'…

…is that right?...

…had he really been bad…since the first day?

…

…no…

Kai couldn't remember it, no matter how much he tried, or maybe he just didn't want to remember it…but now…in this moment of weakness, humiliation, and pure regret, he could. They say your life goes by your eyes on your very last moments…and Kai could finally remember it, after all these years, when he, as a person, started going downhill.


	2. Chapter 1

Kai gasped and wheezed, coughing out the same dirty, muddy water that covered his face and soaked his hair and clothes, completely hiding the tears coming from his eyes. He felt saliva drip from his chin, the water on his ears muffling the laughter and teasing from the ones around him.

He barely had a chance to breathe properly, and his head was once again shoved into the pool of water, he squirmed and whined, desperately trying to pull himself away. But he was tiny, weak. He couldn't fight back no matter how much he tried.

He couldn't take in anymore, opening his mouth to breathe, but there was no air, just water. Silky water. Invading his lungs and making them burn. He tried to cough, but there was nowhere to cough it out. There was just more and more water, hitting his face and making him hit it against the rocks of the old river.

He felt the hand that held his head underwater loosen, before completely letting go, he pulled his head out, immediately starting to cough out the disgusting dirty water out of his lungs, vomiting it out of his abused stomach. Wheezing and gasping for pure air before finally falling to the floor.

He couldn't make out exactly what was going on, but he heard a few footsteps close, and much more far away, running, as the water finally decided to leave his eyes.

He looked up, seeing a familiar figure close to him, sand yellow hair and the same round glasses from every other day. Besides him, a taller, female figure, , looking horrified at the young child.

Of course, if he wasn't there, lying on the cold floor, soaking wet from the rain and the river, he would've been horrified at the sight as well…

"K-Kai! Are you alright?" Masato Fukuroi. His friend ever since he could remember. A bit taller than he was. And a lot more dedicated to his studies. He would be dedicated to studies if he didn't spend good part of his life home with either a cold or a broken bone!

However, Kai did not answer the question. He was too tired, he wanted to fall asleep right there and not wake up for a week, but he knew that probably wouldn't happen.

"Come on, child…" He heard 's voice call him and he made an effort to open his eyes and look at her, lifting up his head. She reached out her hand, he held it, limping a little but managing to stand up. "…let's go call your mother…alright…? She'll take you home…" she whispered, starting to walk away with him.

Fukuroi got under Kai's shoulder to help him. He didn't need it, really, Mr's Aki's hand was enough to help him walk, but he didn't say anything. Half the reason was because he was grateful that his friend willing to help him, that meant he worried. And the other half was because he didn't want to talk, or open his mouth for a while.

He just wanted to go home.

"This is the seventh time this happened! What kind of school allows things like this?!" Kai could heard his mother yell in tears at the principal of the school. He was sitting besides her, his father was also there, but did not sputter a single word.

He was used to it. Used to his mother's desperate sobbing for explanations on what has been happening to her son. So used he learned to not pay attention by staring at a little cat clock on the principal's table. It was cute. It had a smiley face that always made up his day a little bit, even at a time like this.

"We are so sorry, we've called these children's mothers multiple times, , but it just seems to make the situation worse." The principal explained.

"Why are these children so cruel, though?! What have you been teaching them?!" Ayane kept trying to argue, yelling louder and louder. "Kai did nothing wrong! There's nothing wrong with him! Are you raising demons?! Is that it?"

" we won't tolerate insulting of our children—" The principal tried to talk but he was interrupted.

"Those aren't children, those are devils! Devils, I tell you!" She yelled, standing up and grabbing her purse and turning around, grabbing Kai's arm way too roughly and glaring at his father "Ahkhiko, let's go…!"

Kai's dad apologized to the principal, turning around and starting to walk away, with his wife and his child.

"That dammed principal never does anything!" She growled, looking at Kai and loosening her grip on him, her eyes softening as she reached a hand to pat his head. "…don't worry, Kai. We'll send you to another school soon enough."

Kai's eyes narrowed "B-but what about Fukuroi!?" He whined "…I don't wanna stay away from him! H-he's my only friend! A…and !?" he whimpered as he saw his mother turn her head away, her stare was distant, but cold, and he felt like he said something he shouldn't have.

"You can find better friends, and you'll get a much better teacher." She answered coldly. "I've made my decision, Kai. I can't bear to see you hurt by those…demons…again."

He wanted to cry. He wanted to protest and sob and run away as fast as he could. But he couldn't. He saw pain in his mother's eyes that he had never seen before and he hated it. He hated seeing her hurt because he knew it was his fault. If only he weren't so _tiny_ , so _**weak**_ …

"O…okay…momma…" he finally gave up, keeping his head down as he walked back home.


	3. Chapter 2

It's been two months since I moved to Gankkuen Elementary.

So far I haven't found new friends, nor any teachers as good as , like mom told me I would. The whole period of time I've been here I haven't talked to anyone at all.

I sit alone by the corner during lunch break, watching the others and sighing quietly. Why couldn't I just be happy like they were…?

This day in particular I got out of home in a huge hurry, and forgot my lunch by the table. I wasn't only lonely, but I was also starving. As I said, I got out of home in a hurry, and didn't have time even for a slice of toast. I heard my stomach growl in protest as I curled up more than usual in my corner, grunting as I looked down.

"Oi! You!" I lifted my head up, seeing a girl looking down at me. She had her arms crossed, was very slightly taller than me. She was wearing a black, soft cloth jacket over her uniform. Her eyes were smokey light blue and her hair hiding behind her ears, dark brown and curly at the end. She seemed impatient and was frowning at me. "Honestly…are you deaf? I've been trying to talk with you for hours!"

I blinked confused. "Me…?" I pointed at myself and she rolled her eyes.

"Is there anyone else who sits by this corner all by themselves all day?" She asked sarcastically, before sitting besides me, I stiffened "What's yer name?"

"K…Kai….Shimada…Kai…" I stuttered.

"Naoto Izumaru, you can call me Maru~" It was weird. Usually, girls, especially one taller than me, would beat me up or make fun of me right there…but, this girl was…being friendly with me…? I couldn't understand it but…it felt kinda good…to know that at least one person was gonna be nice to me in this whole new setting I've been set it.

"Did you forget your lunch?" She asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"U…uh…actually…." I sighed "…yes…I did."

She reached her blue backpack, pulling out her lunchbox and opening it, a bear shaped bento box inside of it, with perfectly arranged sausages, vegetables and rice on it. Kai's mouth started to water. "Wanna share?"

I narrowed my eyes "W…won't you be hungry? "

"Don't be a dummy!" She poked my forehead "…we're both small! I'm sure this will be enough for both of us."

I smiled faintly. This girl wasn't bad…she wasn't treating me bad, nor making fun of me for my size, nor for being weak…she was actually being nice to me!

…

Naoto Izumaru…

Now that I think about it, she was quite a big deal in my life.

After moving to Gankkuen Elementary, I completely lost contact with Fukuroi. He also moved schools, and I didn't know which one, so we didn't see each other for a long while. My mum sometimes told me she saw his mother somewhere at the shop or at a store, and would tell me he was fine, and that he missed me. But, other than those short, quick conversations our mothers would have with each other from time to time, we lost contact of each other almost completely.

Naoto was my only friend and oh boy. Was she a good one, though quite the feisty one, as well…

"Kai, today we'll start working out!" She yelled at me, dropping a few very, very light weights from her backpack into the floor to my room.

Two years had passed, we were eleven now, 6th grade, and this was our last year at Elementary School. Gankkuen had both Junior and Elementary schools, but high and senior weren't available, since the principal thought there were enough troubles with Elementary and Junior together.

"Aren't we too young for that…? That could damage out muscles and-" I tried to protest. To be honest, that wasn't what I really cared about. I just didn't have the slightest motivation to start working out.

"Buuuuuuullcrap!" she huffed before I could protest "…Shimada. This is our last year as Elementary school students, soon enough we'll be juniors, and you haven't grown an inch ever since you got here!" She was right.

"You know I could care less about my height…it's average for my age…" I sighed.

"It _WAS_ average for your age! Do you wanna look like a toddler for the rest of your life?"

"N-No way!" I immediately got up. The thought of being teased for the rest of my life for being short and weak making my blood boil.

"Then, grab a weight!"

…

Naoto just wasn't giving me a single day of rest. Ever since that day, she'd come to my house with the weights and make me work out. However, she wouldn't work out with me. According to her, she was a girl, so being short wasn't exactly a problem.

At first, my arms and everything hurt, it hurt like hell! But, after a few weeks, I would get used to it, and she'd bring a heavier weight whenever that happened.

And it stayed like that for the rest of the year. I grew more and more each month and soon enough I was much taller than she was, much stronger than most boys. I wasn't weak anymore.

 _They couldn't make fun of me anymore._

 _ **And if they did, they'd be done for.**_

….

This chapter is pretty short, and I apologize but _bear_ with me. Haha, get it? Cause the bento box was shaped like ok nvm


	4. Chapter 3

"So, this our last day as Juniors, huh?"

It was.

Three years of Junior High, building up my body and appearance with Naoto's help, becoming popular among girls-and even some boys-, and even having relationships. I changed my naturally black hair quite a lot of times, first with blonde, strawberry blond, but now it's pastel red, kinda like bubblegum, and I like the color it turned out as. A lot changed in the last three years.

That wimpy, small and weak Kai Shimada was now nonexistent, he was gone. Now me, the new Kai Shimada, the strong, tall, handsome Kai Shimada.

"Yeah…it is." Ah, I completely forgot about the story…anyways, this was our last day as Juniors at Gankkuen, and also, our last day together as friends.

"…you were…going to Byakudan, right?" She asked me, looking up at me. I felt my chest ache as I saw her. Naoto was a strong girl. I don't think I've ever seen her cry…I'm not even sure I ever saw her drop a single tear, and now she looked like she was about to cry.

"…yeah. Now that both of my parents have better jobs, they've decided to buy a new house, and Kisaragi is gunna be too far away." I did want to go to Kisaragi, I've heard a lot about both school systems, but I still prefer Kisaragi. That was where Naoto was going, and now that I've learned I'm going to Byakudan thanks to moving, I also realized once again I'm gonna have no friends.

"…" she stayed quiet and looked down, though I patted her shoulder, and she looked back up at me.

"…hey, a crying face doesn't suit a tomboy like you, you know." I teased.

"I'm not crying!" She huffed, quickly cleaning away her obvious tears with the sleeves of her new black jacket, since the one she wore as a child was now too big.

"Yeah, yeah, right." I grinned and she sighed softly, laughing under her breath.

"I guess this is the last time we'll see each other, huh?" She sighed, sadly.

"Huh? T-that's not true! We'll have to meet someday!" I argued

"Will you even remember me when you have all the ladies of Byakudan running after you?" She teased, and although she was smiling, I could see her sadness.

"Of course! I promise…I'll never forget you…" I promised and she smiled faintly at me, before hugging me tightly. I hesitated for quite a while before hugging her back.

…

…

I guess I was never a person to keep promises…huh?

…

…

"Kai! You'll be late for school!" I heard my mother call me from downstairs and I quickly got up, going downstairs with a noisy sigh that sounded more like a groan. "You've spent way too long on bed, Kai." She teased as I finally popped downstairs, using my new Byakudan uniform way too neatly and my hair fluffy. I couldn't bother to brush it.

We finished moving a few weeks ago, and were already settled down in out new home. It was a two floor house, not too big, not too small. The bedrooms, guest room, and my father's working room stayed upstairs, while kitchen, living room and bathroom stayed downstairs. I stretched and yawned loudly, taking a cup of coffee and swallowing it with one gulp, huffing. I then took a toast and shoved it in my mouth, lazily grabbing my bag and exiting "I'm out…" I hummed, not waiting for a good-bye and walking out.

I walked down the street slowly, I didn't care if I was going to be late or nah, so I ate my toast and eventually saw someone with the same uniform as me down the street. They were with their head down, to which I assumed they were using their phone, but upon getting closer, I noticed they were reading a book instead. This figure seemed familiar…

I walked up to them, poking their shoulder "…oi, you going to Byakudan, right?"

They turned around, they were wearing glasses, has sand blond short split hair and brown eyes…"Eh? Oh…yeah…are you, as well?" I knew this guy…! I just looked at them shocked for a long while, and they looked rather confused "…uh, sir…?"

"Masato?" I whispered but he looked even more confused.

"Uh…yeah…that's my name. Do I know you?" He didn't recognize me?!

"…what do you mean do you know me? We went to elementary together, we were friends!" I argued, scrunching my nose in frustration "…Kai…Kai Shimada…you remember me, right?"

He narrowed his eyes "Kai?!" He yelped surprised. 'I guess I can't blame him…' I thought, after remembering just how much I had changed over the years. "Is that…really you?! You look so different!"

"Yeah, Yeah…it's me!" I smiled brightly. Phew…he didn't forget!

"What happened…?"

"A lot…Imma explain it on the way to school…"

"Eh? You'll be studying at Byakudan, too?"

"You bet your ass I am."


End file.
